A Great Documentary About Death
/In The Resiience Way we talk about death. This is because one of the things that makes us resilient is our ability to live with death. Yes… live with death. We do some amazingly non-resilient things in our desperate efforts to avoid everything related to death.
These include:
Photo by Ave Calvar
Never talking about our own death… as if not talking about it will avoid it happening.
Not wanting to talk about the death of anyone else. The entire topic is taboo and so folks who are dying or grieving are left with the additional strain of knowing that no one wants to hear about it. I recently had a friend apologize for shedding a few tears when I asked about a sister she had lost several years ago. She said “I’m sorry… I guess I’m still not over it.” It’s not okay to be not okay. And if you are dying, you’d best not talk about it, because people get very uncomfortable. Somehow their need for comfort trumps your need to share your experience and feel supported and loved.
Not doing anything to prepare for our death… leaving our loved ones to figure out a mess of legal, financial, and other details including guessing at our wishes surrounding funeral arrangements and distribution of our estate. By the way, less than half of adults in the U.S. and/or Canada have a will!
Allowing the entire dying and death experience to be handled and controlled by “professionals” with the assumption that we don’t know what is best for ourselves or our loved ones in this time. We follow the standard, long-established procedures without questioning what might work better for us. We rely on rituals and standard cultural practices rather than consider what is best for our situation. People die in hospital who would rather be at home, families follow funeral practices that don’t fit their actual needs.
We need to reconsider our thoughts about death. The reality is that we will all die. Yes, all of us. And so we need to become far more comfortable with death so that we can make better choices and prepare ourselves and our loved ones for this event. Death is a part of the human journey. It is complicated and difficult, and natural and often peaceful. Being resilient requires that we invite in death in such a way that we can think about it and share our thoughts with others, as we navigate the fullness of life.
I recommend that you watch this amazing 10-minute video. It is an honest and straightforward look at death and dying. We all need this learning.